How Will I Know When I am Ready To Date Again?



Posted: Monday, October 12, 2009

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If it has been a long time since you went on a date it is only natural that you start to "need" to find someone. You must, however be careful that this need is not there to compensate for other things you may have going on in your life. This article looks at some of the things that should tell you whether or not you are in a good place mentally to start dating again.

Bereavement. Obvious as this may sound, many bereaved people look for love as a means of trying to feel better. It is part of the human makeup that we try, in these circumstances to not be alone, to show death that we are carrying on and that it does not hold dominion over our lives. This however, is one of the the worst times to start trying to engage with another human being. You must embrace your grief and work it through you system before embarking on any new romantic entanglements. You can actually prolong your grieving if you engage in dating too soon after a bereavement.

Job loss. If you lose your livelihood then you need to focus on that. A job is a bit like a relationship, it takes time to get and it takes time to get settled into. You can't do both at the same time and you will feel much more stable and self confident if you have a job before you embark on the dating scene.

Home loss. Forget the impulse should you lose your home to immediately start dating someone who has a place to live. This has disaster written all over it. Unless you find a new home first you will be pursuing the other person out of your need for housing rather than a desire for them. Total carnage.

Depression. You will probably be noticing a theme emerging here. If you are depressed you will go looking for a partner out of a need and not a want which is not fair on them. If you are truly depressed, i.e. have been very sad for more than a fortnight, you are forever crying and feel lost and tired all the time then getting a date will not fix these things. You need to take action on getting to the cause of these feelings and work them out before you will have any energy left to properly devote to another person.

Rebound. In the aftermath of being dumped, it is all to easy to go rushing out there to meet someone new. The goal is to a) prove to yourself that you are still attractive and b) to show your ex how sexy and desirable you are and what a terrible mistake they have made running off with that total loser. Please try to put these thoughts from your mind, going down this route is again, feeding a personal need. This is not fair on yourself or your date.

Keeping these thoughts in mind can really help ascertain if you are ready to be dating or not.

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Patrick has been writing about relationships online for a number of years. He has been writing lately about the amazing visco elastic foam mattress after he was persuaded by a friend to buy a queen memory foam mattress
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